No one expects to get divorced, so when it does happen, there’s much to think about and many steps to take until it is officially finalized. But one of the best ways to get through divorce more speedily and smoothly, is through divorce mediation. Instead of having to stand in front of a judge to dispute the terms of your divorce, you will attend mediation and negotiate with your ex. This approach may not be suitable for those who are parting ways due to domestic violence, but otherwise, it can be effective if both people are willing to talk and want to avoid going to court.
If you need help preparing for divorce mediation, consider speaking with an experienced family lawyer in your area. Otherwise, to start, here are some tips on how to approach mediation so that the highest chances of agreement is possible.
Be ready to compromise, not win.
If you walk into your first mediation session aiming to win, then it’s probably not going to work. Both people have to view the process as a negotiation, where some will have to give in more areas than others. There may be a sense of wanting to win or get even, as a way to ease the sadness of the marriage ending. Your legal team, similar to the Law Group of Iowa, can prepare you for mediation sessions. There may be some moments where you have to be willing to give up your expectations or desires, but then your ex may return the favor to you in other areas.
Be ready to set aside your emotions.
No one expects you to be emotionless during mediation. There will be trying moments that are painful. Anger, sadness, and remorse are understandable feelings during this period of your life. But remember that you have to set aside your personal emotions to some extent, so that you can view the discussions more rationally. The stages of grief over a marriage ending are not linear, and may not happen in successive order. You may feel great one day, and worn down the next. But eventually, you will balance out and start to feel a little stronger every day.
Be ready to share your concerns.
What are you worried about most in your divorce? Are you concerned that you won’t get to spend as much time with your kids? Or are you feeling overwhelmed at the financial aspect of being the one with custody, but only one source of income? By expressing these concerns, you can find common ground regarding custody, visitation, child support, alimony, and other divorce related topics. The time to bring these worries to the table is at your mediation sessions. If you shy away from the topics that mean the most to you, you run the risk of not being heard and not negotiating in a way that is favorable to your side too.
Divorce is messy, and it can be streamlined if both parties are willing to attend mediation. Through this approach, instead of a judge deciding the verdict over divorce aspects, there is a better chance that each person’s preferences will be considered.